dream3

Hurry Hurry Hurry

Before it doesn't make sense anymore!

So I'm chillaxing in a bus station next to the public library when a bus rolls by and a C and J drop by. C's hair is still ginger as ever, but she's cut it in a jaggedly fashion and has added some bright blond yellow tips, as well as a dark, purpley base.

"Hot damn!" I exclaim. "That looks marvelous! The base colour is the one I wanted to dye. Sort of like a dark maroony, burgandy, wtf colour."

"No it's more like a deep purple," she argues.

We delve more into the colour of her hair until I notice S across the street. She's also had an exotic hair transformation. I call her over to get a closer look.

S's hair has been dyed white, white blond, and she's added some blue and pink in there.

"Hot damn!" I exclaim. "That looks marvelous! I always knew your inner asian would take over your hair."

"I'm not asian!" she protests.

So we continue to discuss the oriental aspects of her life until J leaves and sits next to S, across the street underneath the Safeway on a bench.

I notice, and become aggravated that all my friends can't just freaking hold their horses and chill out and wait for me. I pick up my phone and call J.

From across the street, I can see she hears the jingle of her mobile, and picks it up. She looks at it, laughs with S, then puts it down. I hear a dial tone on my side.

"What the fuck!" I say loudly, and gesture for my gang to follow me as we cross to confront J and S for their peculiar bitchiness.

"Why you's so bitchy?" I ask.

"Why you's gets new friends?" they retort.

"Fuh dis," I say, and start to leave before I'm stopped by T.

"Gtfo or I'll pound you," I tell him menacingly.

He gtfo's and I continue on.

I'm underneath an up-turned boat, with A, H, L, and L, and we've hotboxed the upturned boat because it's A's dad's boat and he'd be super pissed if he found out. The inside of the boat is decorated with indented figurines and kind of looks like a bathtub. All of a sudden, we hear A's dad outside, walking around yelling. So the moment he leaves, we skedaddle out of the boat and run to C's house to continue the festivities.

C's kitchen is totally different, with cherry wood drawers and stuff and dark green granite on the counters, and there's a double sliding door to the bathroom right next to it. Apparently someone goes in there and misses harsh, but I'm a nice stoner and I go in and clean it up with a sham-wow. Then there's this brief instant where I see a picture of T sitting on the toilet giving me the thumbs up. It's contemplatively what the fuck.

Because there's a monster apparently trying to get us who's carrying an axe, we all book it outta the house. K and I follow this 20's transvestite out to the side of the house into some thorny rose bushes. We hear the monster axe-murderer from behind, so the transvestite tells us we need to run through the thorns so we can escape, but then K and I are like, "Eff that," and climb up the side of the house onto the roof.

From the roof, we jump to the garage, then jump to the neighbour's roof and see that there's a gathering going on in their garage. So, wanting to get a better look but not be involved in the gathering, K and I jump onto the garage and meet up with Nicolas Cage.

"There's some way to look through the outer layers of the garage roof," he informs us.

The garage's roof is covered in large couch cushions. Later on I wonder why we didn't just pull them off.

So Nicolas Cage works his My-Hair-Is-A-Bird Voo Doo, and creates a zipper on the cushion.

"No, that's wrong," he mumbles to himself.

So he opens the zipper, revealing another zipper behind the first zipper.

"Still wrong, we have to combine the two," he says.

So Mr.Cage and his magic morph the dual zippers together, and with that, he pulls the now-single zipper open to reveal a shit load of lobsters.

Nicolas Cage looks up at us and says, "that was unexpected."

Just to be a douche, Nicolas cage commands the lobsters with his crazy voo doo to crunch my foot. I let out a scream and he chuckles. But then Tim "The Toolman" Taylor joins us and uses his crazy voo doo magic to shoo the lobster away, and reveals to us what exactly is happening below in the garage.

As told by Tim, there are two families that are in feud who have been neighbours for sometime, but can't stand each other and they've finally decided to duke it out in this garage. The families are both ridicklessly talented in this voo doo magic that both Tim and Nicolas have been using to do crazy shit, and it's gonna be all hell breaks loose down there so the roof is probably a bad spot to view this clash of the titans.

We ponder his statement before we comply and climb down to the garage door.

With a regular, button-automated device, Tim the Toolman Taylor opens the garage door and a scene is revealed to us like a performance on stage. None of the members of the dueling families have noticed that the garage door is open, let alone the four of us watching them.

The one family, who I've decided to call the Jetsons, are mostly made up of the characters of The Jetsons. The father is George Jetson, but the mother is an octopus, the daughter is still Judy, but his boy is no longer Elroy, it's Bam-Bam from The Flintstones. They have a pet wasp who's in the middle of the fight.

The other family, who I've decided to call the Gorillas, later on reveal their secret weapon to be a huge gorilla. The father is a Nicolas Cage Clone, ("I'm the better looking one," he remarks) the mother is the Siamese combination of Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble, the daughter is E, and their son is Elroy. Their pet is presumptively the gorilla.

With the voo doo both families possess, there is a great deal of chopping, destroying, axe-throwing, ripping, bleeding, and rejuvenating. According to Tim, the families have the power to destroy and rebuild themselves as such. The real challenge is to see how creative they can get.

We watch for a while, until Nicolas Cage decides to be mischievous and interrupt the fight with some humour. He uses his voo doo to call upon the lobsters from before and sneak up on the Nicolas Cage Clone and climb up his pant leg. At this moment, everyone realizes what's about to happen and they back the truck up harsh.

"What?" Cage-Clone wonders aloud.

The lobster now settles right upon the upper thigh of the clone and opens the claw around the worst spot imaginable.

Split screen to blood-chilling cry.

Upon this cry, the huge gorilla comes thundering into the garage, and half of the building is destroyed in its wake. Then a fighter jet comes blazing down and starts shooting everything, and the moon suddenly gets about 20 times closer to the earth than normal, and shit hits the fan.

"HOLD IT!"

Bam-Bam and E step out from the tussle and face everyone. The fight stops and all eyes are on the pair.

"Fellowship," begins Bam-Bam, " we cannot fight like this anymore. Peace will never reach these two households if this battle continues. We must find a way to solve our issue, once and for all."

The Jetsons all nod in agreement.

"Samesies," says E.

The Gorillas join in the nods of agreement.

Then someone shouts, "MAKE-OUT SESH!", and everyone starts whooping and cheering for E and Bam-Bam. They both turn beet red and Bam-Bam looks up at E.

Me and K both start laughing at our fellow improver's dismay.

"Urghgh," E mumbles, "I'm not a pedophile!"

"I'm almost 50 years old," Bam-Bam tells her, "I think that evens things out."

So they make out and everyone claps and whistles and shit.

"Let's go back to our place for pot roast!" George Jetson exclaims.

We all agree and head into the house for some delish grub.

The end.