"I kind of wish I had jingly bells on my boobs.
That would make life a lot more jolly, in my opinion."
That would make life a lot more jolly, in my opinion."
So I was contemplating life today as I walked towards C's house, and this scenario crept into my head:
Captain, sitting on the sidewalk, feet in the gutter, doing something mildly illegal, thinking wise thoughts and being barefoot. Officer Douglas parks his police vehicle next to Captain, gets out of the car and approaches the ageless hippie.
Officer Douglas, twiddling a toothpick between his teeth: "Miss I'm gonna hafta ask you to cease your illegal activities, or I'll arrest yoo."
Captain, toking/gambling/vandalizing: "Sir, before I go with you, I'm going to ask you a question. There are thousands upon thousands of people in this town, and at least hundreds of them are criminal offenders. You look like you have a family to go home to, and I'm guessing you decided to be a cop as your career in order to protect them from the vile and corruption of today's society. At this current moment, murder, theft, and other acts of violence could be happening two blocks down. So I ask you this, Officer Douglas, why are you wasting your time on a loitering hippie like myself when you can be protecting your family, and all the families here in this pitiful town by slamming down the fist of justice on those who deserve it the most?"
Officer Douglas goes silent. Time inches forward. Finally: "I see no reason to arrest you good civilian, as you were."
The end.
Also, have you ever gotten a creepy compliment from a creepy elderly individual and thought to yourself, "oh, gross"?
Well screw you.
I'd like to open your mind for a minute and realize how lucky you are to receive such an honoured assessment from such an experience character. Are you aware of the fact that old people have probably seen at least a hundred thousand legs, all different shapes and sizes, textures and colours. Do you realize that out of all the legs this old person has seen, he is so adament about yours that he verbally expresses his admiration? I mean, there are many people out there who think about the horrible, nasty, perverse, vulgar, and possibly illegal things to do to you but decide it's better if you were blissfully unaware of them. Ignorance is bliss, but it also breeds stupidity, which, I'm sure, we're all trying to avoid (what with this "education" silliness).
Anyway. When creepy old people grumble from behind you, "nice legs", it has come to my attention that you should thank them for boosting your confidence and stroking your ego, instead of the other parts of you.
Captain, sitting on the sidewalk, feet in the gutter, doing something mildly illegal, thinking wise thoughts and being barefoot. Officer Douglas parks his police vehicle next to Captain, gets out of the car and approaches the ageless hippie.
Officer Douglas, twiddling a toothpick between his teeth: "Miss I'm gonna hafta ask you to cease your illegal activities, or I'll arrest yoo."
Captain, toking/gambling/vandalizing: "Sir, before I go with you, I'm going to ask you a question. There are thousands upon thousands of people in this town, and at least hundreds of them are criminal offenders. You look like you have a family to go home to, and I'm guessing you decided to be a cop as your career in order to protect them from the vile and corruption of today's society. At this current moment, murder, theft, and other acts of violence could be happening two blocks down. So I ask you this, Officer Douglas, why are you wasting your time on a loitering hippie like myself when you can be protecting your family, and all the families here in this pitiful town by slamming down the fist of justice on those who deserve it the most?"
Officer Douglas goes silent. Time inches forward. Finally: "I see no reason to arrest you good civilian, as you were."
The end.
Also, have you ever gotten a creepy compliment from a creepy elderly individual and thought to yourself, "oh, gross"?
Well screw you.
I'd like to open your mind for a minute and realize how lucky you are to receive such an honoured assessment from such an experience character. Are you aware of the fact that old people have probably seen at least a hundred thousand legs, all different shapes and sizes, textures and colours. Do you realize that out of all the legs this old person has seen, he is so adament about yours that he verbally expresses his admiration? I mean, there are many people out there who think about the horrible, nasty, perverse, vulgar, and possibly illegal things to do to you but decide it's better if you were blissfully unaware of them. Ignorance is bliss, but it also breeds stupidity, which, I'm sure, we're all trying to avoid (what with this "education" silliness).
Anyway. When creepy old people grumble from behind you, "nice legs", it has come to my attention that you should thank them for boosting your confidence and stroking your ego, instead of the other parts of you.
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