the plaid invasion

The other day as I was scoping the mall with a dear friend of mine, we suddenly became aware of the hard reality that surrounded us... Literally almost everyone in the mall was wearing plaid. There was more plaid than a Scottish Family Reunion. The pattern followed us on trendy girls in oversized plaid, on skater/punk/prep/every boy alike in the form of shorts (to be blamed on the warm weather outside), on old men unknowingly being fashionable, and in practically every single store window. Spotting evidence of the invasion soon became a game for us, and in no time at all, we were exclaiming "PLAID!" at every lumberjack pattern we saw, causing us to sound a lot like the seagulls from Finding Nemo.

Unfortunately, I was victim to hypocrisy as I was also sporting the infectious tartan.
However, my reasoning for my purchase is because it is a comfy
shirt and it was dirt cheap. So there.

love at first $*#@

movies to keep an eye out for!

• Avatar (3D meets Gollum times a billion and StarWars!)
• Taking Woodstock (Dmitri Martin!)
• Art & Copy (Doctumentary Funtimes!)
• The Headless Woman (There's too much wtf to be answered!)
• PONYO (Must finish!)
• Gentlemen Broncos (WITH JERMAINE FROM FOTC!?!)
• Jennifer's Body (Hotties EVERYWHERE!)
• Grace (Dead Bab- Ohhh wait..!)
• I Sell The Dead (Merry from LOTR! Zombies! What a tantalizing combination!)
• Alice in Wonderland (Johnny Depp in copious amounts of make-up...again!)
• Whip It (Ellen Page being quirky again!)
• How To Be A Serial Killer (Because everyone ought to know!)
• An Education (Something cute and from England!)
• The Bluetooth Virgin (A movie.. about movies... Paradoxical........!)

Everything exciting has an exclamation mark at the end!

wasabeezie

I ate a toonie-sized amount of wasabi today, wrapped in ginger.

And if you're ever in The Body Shop and they have those tester containers, put a whole bunch of different lotions on one hand and then rub it all in together. It smells great!

I love this show so much. My guilty pleasure exposed.

If you don't get it, I hope you do before college.

zombie walk day

This morning was particularly exciting for me because I knew that in a few hours I would be walking amongst my fellow zombies for no reason other than to have a shitload of good times.

After establishing my zombie attire (broken ribs, bloody knees and chin and cut-up clothing + moar bluud), I stepped outside to partake in nearly the most outrageous walk to the skytrain in my life. Covered in blood, I encountered looks of shock, confusion, and concern ("Are you okay?" "Yes!" "But you're covered in blood," "Yes!") all of which I enjoyed. It's not every day you get to walk around town looking like a zombie, making people's days everywhere you go.
Anyhow, so we (Montana and I) get on the skytrain and finally see some of our kind. After exchanging some cheerful Canadian greetings (Combination of "hey" and "eh?"), we quickly realize we're the only 4 zombies on the skytrain and the ratio should be changing according to our relative closeness to Vancouver. This comes true, and we begin to feel less like crazies. Off to a good start.

Gum is handed out so zombies can avoid the horrid stench of rotting flesh in case we meet any hot zombies. That was nice of them. I saw a snake. Nifty!
Anyhow, there was this relatively attractive-yet-creepy-as-fuck guy that asked me what my blood was made out of. I said honey and he said, "so it tastes sweet when someone kisses you or licks you, right?" which was when I stopped talking to him and just let him eat my food-colouring and honey.

So the actual zombie walk was really neat, lots of zombies going all out and zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie.

We saw Zombie Jesus, and Midget Zombie, Baby Zombies, and much much more. There was some nice creepy theme music to go along with our march. Many asian school girls were frightened out of their wits. Many tourists took pictures. Lots of moaning all around.

I enjoyed myself. That's all there is to say.

shitty magazine fun times!

I saw an ad in a magazine for these apple fries. Except the Jonas Brothers were advertising it and I don't comprehend this.

Although I do comprehend the fact that Joe Jonas is a babe (ogad don't tell anyone please it's embarrassing and I should skin myself for it)

And who in their right mind would want a birth control device that's shaped like a grappling hook? Who was the wise-ass that looked at a grappling hook whilst he was fishing on the big blue and thought, "Man, this would make a great gimmick for birth control! Women everywhere will want to shove this crafted piece of anti-pregnancy voodoo up their vagina! Brilliant! Let's name it Mirena after my lovely sea vessel!"

Fuck. Not to mention there's an entire page of fine print on the back of this ad.

The next ad is about a man who froze his sperm for 22 years.

Hugh Jackman is so fucking hot I don't care what you think.

It's half-past the hour of Squeal for Dave Matthews. quote, "I make up my best songs in the shower, I should record in there."

My thoughts exactly.

You know you've made it big when they make M&M versions of you.

Girly-gasm over.

huuummmm

it's good to be home

but it's nice to be away at the same time

Stole a bear decoration from a golf course today. Saw a real bear in the same day. Probably could've thrown the bear decoration at the bear that's how close we were. Nearly stole a golf cart.

Too tired to be entertaining tonight.

this guy's pretty funny. check it out.

dream4

Last night I dreamed I was at an improv show. Except it was in an old school because we were cheap and there was a large audience of middle school children in the middle of the room who participated as our audience. Now the group of us were suppose to entertain the kiddos, and there was an older group of improvisers that were sort of like the referees (lacking the striped shirts however), and they made the rules, told us what to do, restricted our entertainment value, etc.

Anyhow, things moved along and we were suppose to go outside for a big game. I went to do something, I can't remember what, and one of the referees told me not to. So in response, I kind of bitched out on him with my mouth full of chocolate (reason? no reason) and said something along the lines of, "you have to understand the stress I'm going under because I'm suppose to balance the authority I have over the younger ones, with the authority you have over me, it can be very confusing for me," and for some reason we were rudely interrupted (possibly my alarm clock?), and then I left that douche bag to go to the bathroom of the old school to finish my chocolate bar, which I discovered had pin bones in it to apparently allow the chocolate to "keep its shape".

Well that's dumbest.

So I angrily took the bones out of the chocolate while it began to melt in my hands and was all over my face, and went to get some of that drying tissue paper stuff in bathrooms (the word has completely escaped me right now, I'll remember later) to wipe it off, however it was on the inside of the stall next to the sink. "This is horribly inconvenient," I said.

Now while I was eating the rest of my chocolate and cleaning myself off, I noticed a mirror perched right above the stall in a way that whoever was standing outside could see if someone was inside, and vice verse. Looking up, I saw this little big-eyed, chubby ginger boy who's standing outside the stall, looking up at the mirror, watching me like a demon. At this point, I shit more bricks than I did at the beginning of Majora's Mask, and yelled at him from behind the barrier between us asking him why didn't he use the whole wall of stalls behind him, or perhaps the urinals beside the stall I was currently occupying.

"I don't want to use those," he mentioned about the urinals.

"Well I don't either, so suck it up!" I shout.

So the boy goes around and situates himself at the 1 out of 4 urinals that faces my stall, and SOMEHOW he is able to see right over the wall and continues his game of staring straight at me. So I begin to hyperventilate while sitting on a toilet with chocolate on my face, until this old man rushes in the washroom, apologizes to me, grabs the whizzing ginger child, and books it outta the place.

All I want to say is, thank you old man.

Much shorter dream than the last ones.

the story of albert "al"

It's folks like these that make me really appreciate the subtle joys of living in such a shitty town.

I wish I could see him again and tell him he's in my blog so he could read it.

So as I was sitting at the coffee loungey-area in our local elderly-infested mall reading our local amateur newspaper which consists of stories such as cats getting arrested and witty jokes your grandmother might enjoy,

On a side note, I'm strangely attracted to the lead singer of Mother Mother for reasons I can't explain. It could be the fact that he can possess such a feminine and eerie sounding voice, or perhaps his intense bone structure, or maybe his Mohawk... Whatever it is, I could fap to that mofu in a church.

Anyway, back to the story.

I'm quite sure Al caught my attention first, with his leather cowboy hat with a complimentary eagle feather hanging like a tail and his large earrings. Perhaps it was the fact that he was total alone, yet talking to himself like he's been mute for years. I guess he noticed that I was watching him with keen interest, and started directing his outer monologue towards myself. Somewhere a muck the constant stream of words, he told me "if I start to don't make sense, 'cause y'know I hear voices sometimes, then just tell me to shut up".

I like him already!

Anyhow, so he goes on to tell me how his hat-feather is magical and that he's recently been finding his spiritual side. "This feather has magic, and y'know it's some powerful stuff it guides me everywhere I go," and he then proceeds to tell me the tale of how it came to be on his hat. "So I was outside having a smoke and the feather just lands on my shoulder, just straight, like a finger, y'know, and it's pointing me to go back inside and stop smoking so I say, 'okay, you're the boss!' and I go back inside and lately I've been off smokin'."

Quality inspirational stuff here, direct to you from a feather.

He also told me how difficult it was to go to so many meetings (recovery sessions, he's laying off the drugs and the booze so he can get a job and a ladyfriend) at once, "I just can't be in a hunnerd different places at once, there's just one me.. I think."

So before I forget everything that happened, we exchanged names and he shook my hand and said "Godbless" every time he left (3 times, total).

Some memorable quotes:

"Don't drink and drugs!"

"I've been without a woman for 15 months! You try doing that, it'll do crazy stuff to a guy."

"My teeth got knocked out by a...wise old guy."

"Back when I did cocaine, which is why I hear the voices and I just have to keep talkin' to people or else my head gets filled and I go completely coo-coo!"

"Actions speak louder than words, so I'm here showing everybody that I'm getting better!"

I also saw a woman with a caved in face.

Overall, a magical day.

69 positions of Epic

"BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL"

Because nothing is sexier than He-Man and his loincloth of might and his bulging cartoon muscles.

midna doesn't have nipples.

12 hours of twilight princess.

so.

much.

geek.

overload.

I will dream of twilight monsters and giant hands trying to steal my glowing orb.

And horse back riding.

So.

much.

horseback riding.

Something epic this way comes.

rind-a-rific

So last night I was up with M & S and we was sleeping on the roofs (which was not on "fyuhh". however tea lights were involved. Satanic rituals anyone?) which consisted of excellence, even though I get mega-OCD stressed protective of the stuff in my house (something to do with being an only child and not used to sharing a lot?) and in the morning we caused chaos and confusion. Hopefully we'll outrun trouble.

old school nintendo meets punk trip? yes!