delightful

(via)

So, what difference does it make ?
It makes none
But now you have gone
And you must be looking very old tonight

beyond

obscure sense of humour

This always happens to me.

After work, a friend of mine asked me to meet her at Value Village so I proceeded to wait for a bus that would take me there. Sharing my company was a rather old man with long white hair who smelt very much like Kokanee. He then decided that I was the best recipient for his detailed summary of his celtic heritage along with his current problems, one of those involving the loss of all his upper teeth, insisting that I "never let anyone have [my] bottom teeth, ever."
When introductions took place (Walter John, on three separate occasions), he complimented my eyes and told me never to let anyone you love turn their back on you, and foretold the issues concerning "control monsters" and how you need to "get outta there fast, even if ya love 'em," with a reassuring pat on the knee.
Even with his extreme loss, he offered me a cigarette. I informed him that I quit, hoping he would appreciate the perseverance, yet I found myself making a very silly assumption. "Come on, you kin cheat a li'l, not even a cigar?" I firmly refused. "How'd ya quit?" Cold turkey, I replied, and he laughed with a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
When a pause dwindled in the conversation, he broke out into a haggard version of, "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" along with a reenactment of several scenes from The Wizard of Oz, of which I joined in, giving auspicious glances around at anyone paying any attention to the poor girl alone with a drunkard on the bus bench. "Are ya going to your old man?" he asked me, after the third or fourth verse. I corrected him, I was going to meet a friend at a store. "Do ya love 'im?" No, because there is no old man to love. "Shame," he said, and tousled my hair.
Thankfully, by this time, the bus arrived and there were no more words or ruffles or tousling to be shared between us, but I could hear him, from the back of the bus, exclaiming how there were "Werewolves in Nelson.. AAARROUUUUUUUUUUU!!!" for the rest of the trip.

darth beethoven

this is not a halloween costume.

"...The "Lucy" who inspired this song was Lucy O'Donnell (later Lucy Vodden), who was a classmate of John's son Julian Lennon when he was enrolled at the private Heath House School, in Weybridge, Surrey. It was in a 1975 interview that Lennon said "Julian came in one day with a picture about a school friend of his named Lucy. He had sketched in some stars in the sky and called it Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds."..."

via

You're a boxer in the ring

With brass knuckles underneath

You're the curses through my teeth

You're the laughter, you're the obscene

can't wait

jellyfish, jelly fish

I love having an assortment of keys on my chain

because it makes me feel like I can unlock an assortment of doors.

my physical description

"wear a mask. nobody will be able to recognize you other than by that mole near your scrotum"

"hahahahahaha

wait, hahah how do you know about the mole"

"I basically asked for the only thing I could of that was non-sexual: thigh."

"Well thighs can be sexy."

"That's not true."

perhaps it is an opportunity

denied, from which regret

can breed and fester like a

lonely discarded apple core.

crowds jump to their deaths

from the bridge as I drive by tonight

and they missed out on it all

the whole gist there as they fall

you're not expected to know why it's such a short time

80

piaf

monroe

st. vincent

Break up, make up?

Ever wonder if you're someone's everything?

Last song played more then three times?

Last person to fall asleep with?

Have you ever been tied to someone?

Ever skip class?

Last food consumed?

When do you want to die?

Marriage?

Did you take a nap today?

Who got mad at you last?

Last car you were in?

Last person to call you beautiful?

What colour is your room?

Where's your family?

Could you use some sleep right now?

iPod or mp3?

Who'd you have lunch with?

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

Do you like to cuddle?

Are you a virgin?

Have you ever made out against a car?

Kissed someone that had a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Are you ticklish?

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?

Whats on your bedroom floor?

Whens the next time you will kiss somebody?

How many piercings do you have?

Ever kissed in the rain?

How's your heart lately?

Are you a jealous person?

Any plans for tomorrow?

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?

Do you like the last person you kissed?

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Do you want any tattoos?

Wheres the weirdest place you've changed clothes?

Who was the last guy you talked to?

Has a boy put their arm around you in the past 5 days?

When is the last time you were in a photo-booth taking pictures with friend?

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?

When's your birthday?

What's the last thing you laughed at?

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

What was the first thing you thought this morning?

Who do you hate currently?

Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?

How do you wake up?

Do you eat breakfast?

Do you like the morning or night better?

Who's locker is right next to yours?

Have you been in a physical fight yet this term?

What do you normally do before school starts?

Waterworks

milk is the best.

looking at this picture makes me cream myself

Maybe we didn't share a childhood together, but were you ever in that situation in grade-school where you and a small assortment of peers gathered around your home-packed lunches and dared each other to try the spiciest thing from that asian kid's lunchbox?

Well maybe you stalked my former 10-year old self or maybe you were the kid who fell for the $2.00 reward for scarfing down a kimchi noodle bowl covered in spicy teriyaki sauce. In the latter situation, you know what I'm talking about when I say that rushing to the water fountain and drinking half your weight in H2O just doesn't cut it. You are brutally aware of the lingering taste in your mouth that lasts for the rest of the lunch period, corrupting anything else that enters your digestion orifice (not that one, perverts). The entire scenario is anything but endearing and is probably in the top 10 of your most embarrassing childhood memories list, but how do you avoid such a horrific incident?

Milk is your answer.

When you're eating curry, and you feel your eyes watering, go for Milk.

When you're chowing down on fresh home-made cookies, go for Milk.

When you have an entire cabinet full of Nesquik chocolate powder, go for Milk.

It's pretty obvious, to say the least.

Milk is, by far, the best thing you can drink to quench your dying taste buds. The only other option for you is ice tea or cranberry juice, but not all of us are well prepared. Nearly every household will contain milk in their fridge at least once a week, if not more, so you will always have a glass of the good stuff ready for consumption. In the instance where your fridge is inadequate for humans, there's a bloody grocery store within a few blocks you can hit and get some delicious udder-juice.

zombie walk

HALLAR MASTAR ANDRUSUN

"He has suffered from epileptic seizures since he was 13. Because of this, he made the decision early on not to drive and he has never had a driver's license. In a 2006 interview, Weaving noted he hasn't suffered a seizure in years, but is still reluctant to get a driver's license because "I'm so used to not driving, I'm scared of what I'd do"."

via.imdb.com

In the unreleased ending of The Matrix Trilogy, Mr. Anderson is tricked into taking a standardized driving lesson, and explodes when he is expected to parallel park. The driver then removes their mask, revealing his true form as Neo.

"The Black Ghosts’ style was described as being “perverse, personal pop music”, a tendency that has its roots in both Keating and Lord’s early childhood. Keating was encouraged by his mother to watch horror movies at a young age; Lord’s grandmother was considered psychic."

Not just another twilight-soundtrack band.

via.last.fm

Impostors, step aside.

The dutch always knew where things were heading.

"Holland is known worldwide for its tolerant attitude and the aspects of this most visible to outsiders are the open attitude to sex and the widespread availability of soft drugs. Typically, the Dutch have turned both of these into money-spinning industries."

via.nlplanet.com

the depilatory disaster

I'm only going to say this because I know I'm not the only one who has this problem, but I have a confession to make:

I have stubborn pubes.

Damn coarse motherfuckers are most likely due to the fact that I was over-enthusiastic with shaving when I was in my congenial tween-age years.

"BELLY BUTTON FUZZ? GRAB THE GUNS THAT FELON IS A GONER!"

Throughout the years I had developed high expectations of my personal hygiene. My body had to resemble that of a prepubescent asian girl, much unlike the light brown fur that covered my legs and arms before my discovery of Venus and Schick. Unfortunately, my body severely disagreed with my aspirations and punished me with frightening red bumps and ingrown hairs that forced me into swim shorts for at least two or three summers. My 13-year-old self was denied her desired sex-appeal (thank goodness).

Anyways, I blame my uninformed past for the unforgivable carpet that reigns the nether-regions. So in hopes of repairing the damage done, I've tried a few techniques:

Shaving? Nope.

Tweezing? Nope.

Waxing? Nope.

Hippie Lifestyle? Nope.

That is, until I found out about Nair. The chemical-infused mayonnaise goop some women use to get rid of hairy places like upper lip and under arm and bikini lines. Other than the smell, it's a bearable method of hair removal.

Along the same lines, I also found this exfoliating rubby thing which actually works from my experience but leaves a rash if you're too intense (or impatient) about it.

So my first pool escapade of the summer rolls along and I'm sitting in my bathroom pre-gaming for the event. Being the impatient rage-addict I am, I decide to use that smoothy-thing on the south horizons in order to avoid heart attacks from innocent bystanders. Time rolls by and I find that it's not as effective as it was on my arms and legs, so I grab a bottle of Nair and get down to business.

Now if you use Nair, you have to be careful and only use externally; anywhere near your vajayjay it's gonna burn like cum in yer eye. This is the same burn I experienced once the acid hair remover settled on the exfoliated zone of my bikini line. In a rush, I bit my lip and rubbed some dirt on it like a man. A man sitting in his bathroom in nothing but underwear with Nair on his bikini line (visual image?).

5 excruciating minutes go by and I wash that shit off with the bladder-cleansing relief of giving birth, only to notice a large red rash the size of a McDonald's hashbrown just outside my lady-briefs which had apparently surfaced during the pube-removal. Shitty deal. I've gotta celebrate with friends with a lovely nair-burn two inches away from my vagina. Staying in the hot tub for 4 hours was fun. Cheers, life.

(so maybe my pubes aren't dramatically overwhelming, but they are a nuisance. Also my friends are awesome and didn't say anything about it [to my face])

this is not the end,

unless you die in

a tragic accident

right after graduating;

then it's the end.

I.

WANT.

THIS.

ON.

EVERYTHING.

the butterfly circus

whaaaa

Eye Witness:

unrehearsed beat-boxing competition

which was held on the bus today.

At least three different beat-boxers.

I was critically impressed at the talent one can find on public transit.

Also, the talent one can find on the internet.

note: picture of flavor flav unrelated.

when I was a child I really liked this song

now I know the meaning behind the lyrics

I realize how perverse my childhood self was

some things are best left unsaid

the crevice below the top of her head

containing the seed from men's desire

wretched from years of ashen fire

where did the time go

who is to blame

Warhol is leaving on a suicide plane

how much do we know

where is our shame

poisonous ointment falling like rain

some things are best left unsaid

screaming as she shook her head

where did the time go

where did our time go

(sup emo)

Has anyone else noticed how Tegan & Sara are slowly diminishing to just Tegan?

Their unique harmony is being absorbed by the electric-rock background that is becoming a common fate to many Indie-Gone-Main bands. Grow Up And Blow Away to Fantasies? Set Yourself on Fire to The Five Ghosts? Is it just me?

Ogad what have I just said

“Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling”

thugs. you know who you are.

You are fully aware of your existence.

I do not want to share in this experience.

Keep your gangster music to yourself.

I am in my house, peaceful, quiet, calm.

You are outside in your gangster six fows.

It is far too loud. I can hear it from here.

This is simply unacceptable.

Please take your skinless asses and ditch.

Have fun being deaf in your 30's.

om nom

Happy stomach.

customer rant

• Don't try to hide your garbage around the table. I will find it. I will not like finding it. I will hate you when I find it.
• Do not assume things go places without bonified evidence of their placement.
• There are napkins for a reason. Use them. Because you're not a neanderthal.
• At least make an attempt to use/dispose of everything on your plate. You order food because you are hungry. If you aren't going to eat your toast at least give it to a starving homeless individual on the street.
• Water is good for you. We give it to you because this is the case. Drink it. At least some of it.
• If you have a baby with you, in the name of all that is good and holy, forgive those irresponsible parents who leave cheerios and baby num-nums with their unattended baby who proceeds to toss them on the floor like the ignorant future-business person it is.
• In attempt of some degree of consideration you find yourself stacking the dishes for me, make sure they are not prone to tipping as it will result in a mess on the ground and me hating you for it.
• Babies. Enough of them.
• It is incredibly thoughtless of you to stick your leg out in the aisle. Are you not aware of the obscene traffic that goes on within these aisles? Do you not understand the hazard your limb is presenting to unsuspecting attendants? Underneath the surface of the table is hollow and it also serves a purpose.
• If you are in a rush, go to a fast-food restaurant. Do not complain to us about the rate of which your order is arriving because we don't all microwave our food.
• Direct all complaints toward someone who can do something about it. I am no magician.
• Do not arrive at noontime on a Saturday and request a table for 9 because I will hate you.
• Letting children run amuck makes me want to make your face a muck. Stop it.
• Tip your waitress or receive hate vibes.

cups&saucers

Thanks to the past few weeks of working as a hostess, it has come to my attention that I'm more or less inclined to OCD behaviour:

This is evident in my specific placings of table settings.

CUPS MUST MATCH. SAUCERS MUST MATCH. MATCHING. MUST. HAPPEN.

And if this does not occur, a physical -yet internal- reaction takes place within me and makes me very.

uncomfortable.

Until I set the next table ever so perfectly and can finally exhale peacefully.

Hopefully it's not just me.

KITTY BABIES

KITTIE BABIES
NOTAIL BABIES

MINZ KITTIES

BABIE KITTIES

OGADOGADOGAD

where in the world is higgs boson?