It's kind of sad that my dreams are more interesting than real life right now. Oh well. Please enjoy.
It's the first day of school and I get a new teacher and class etc. Turns out the teacher is a total bitchcunt from blondeland and she decides that leaving her History of French Art class is not acceptable. Friendship-pal Melissa is with me and we share eye-rolls at her as we stealth our way outta that hellhole. We manage to get outside before she follows us out and starts yelling in a nasal voice, "It's not tolerated that you leave in the middle of my class!" or something along those lines, so I leave anyway and start booking it across the street of my RL school (from the Theatre to the Corner), ducking behind bushes as I go. Melissa peaces off and wishes me good luck while I escapadé to the playground across the street (what playground? but this one is mucho coolio) and climb the coolest playground equipment I've ever seen in my entire life, think jungle meets yellow metal fractals. Anyway, so I'm climbing along and I see Mrs. Bitchcunt and she's telling some kid in the part to make sure I don't have any alcohol on me.
"But my chapstick doesn't have any alcohol in it," I protest.
"No matter, you are skipping my class and will be punished," she says.
So she informs the kid to spread the word for the look-out for me while I monkey-bar outta there in a frantic hurry.
The dream shifts to, assuming, the next day where we're at a field trip to the aquarium.
Except this is the kind of aquarium where you get to wear these full body swim suits and diving masks and flippers and swim underwater into a cave where you get to watch this informative video on fish and the audio is only listenable if you're underwater. This is pretty exciting, and at this point, I'm wondering how I got hooked up with this sweet deal of a field trip. So I suit up and jump in, only to have a leak in my mask when I hit the water. So the dudes at the aquarium tell me to re-adjust my mask until it fits, so I give it a shot and dive in again. This time, my mask fogs up and I can't see worth shit. Feeling left out because everyone except the only guy in my math class and me are inside the cave watching what could be a cool movie, I give it one last try. I get close to swimming into the underwater tunnel that leads to the room with the movie in it, but I somehow run out of breath and have to go up for air. On the surface, I ask the aquarium dude how it's possible to get to the room if we have to come up for air so often. He tells me to let the air out of my mouth a little at a time and not to worry, because there is an air pocket inside the room and you can go up for air when you get there. Reassured, I dive in for the last time. I just reach the tunnel and start heading toward the room when I get swarmed by a bunch of kids in diving suits coming at me. Not wanting to go against the flow, I swim back up with them. On the surface, the diving instructor tells me that the video is already finished and we need to move onto the next station. Everyone else is going on about how cool the movie was and I'm feeling robbed of my experience. I look over to the guy in my math class and see that my hookers and blow friend is chilling with him, talking about how cool the movie was too. Super.
Anyway, so we continue onto the next station and we come to a dock with white railing on the edges separating us from a dark ocean. It's previously been raining, so the dock is slippery and we are wearing those silly plastic ponchos in the neon colours. This comforts me some, so I get into the crab-hunting we are suppose to be doing. There is a large pool with tons of crabs, and one of the aquarium dudes is talking to us about crab-hunting and how we'll be going on a boat to go do some soon. So far all is going okay considering how I missed the cool fish video and I'm informing myself that it was probably lame anyway so I feel better about the ordeal. All of a sudden, this red head kid comes up behind me and, I'm guessing, says something insulting or pushes me or something, because whatever he did, he irritated me enough to cause me to chase him across the dock. Cue chase-scene music. He's a quick little fellow, but in my dreams, I am a tank that just pummels through everyone who gets in my way when I'm determined enough. Because I'm carrying loads of stuff whilst I'm running, I quickly shed about 60% of my clothing and gain intense speed. Finally, I jump a barracade and grab him by his hair (which, by the way, is straightened and looks hularous) and he turns around and I laugh in his face. Then we take him up to the highest point on the dock and tie him to a cross and hang him up like Jesus. Later when I wake up, I wonder why I crucified someone in my dream and what kind of messed up drugs I've been doing lately. Anyway, so he's on the cross and people are waving torches around in their little ponchos and it strongly resembles a KKK pow-wow. Time apparently passes, because now I'm with the ginger fellow and his drummer friend and we're sitting in a quaint cafe in a fancy hotel talking about how hot it was when I stripped in seconds.
"Yeah when I was on the cross, I had a huge boner because of you."
"It's a good thing your pants are so tight, nobody could notice."
"Yeah..."
The drummer guy turns to me and says, quote, "You were so hot, that if I was shirking to someone else, I would hide it in shame."
I'm just sitting here in the hotel cafe, with my mocha and coffee cakes, blushing to my ears, mumbling a quiet "thanks" for their compliments.
The end.
No comments:
Post a Comment