customer rant

• Don't try to hide your garbage around the table. I will find it. I will not like finding it. I will hate you when I find it.
• Do not assume things go places without bonified evidence of their placement.
• There are napkins for a reason. Use them. Because you're not a neanderthal.
• At least make an attempt to use/dispose of everything on your plate. You order food because you are hungry. If you aren't going to eat your toast at least give it to a starving homeless individual on the street.
• Water is good for you. We give it to you because this is the case. Drink it. At least some of it.
• If you have a baby with you, in the name of all that is good and holy, forgive those irresponsible parents who leave cheerios and baby num-nums with their unattended baby who proceeds to toss them on the floor like the ignorant future-business person it is.
• In attempt of some degree of consideration you find yourself stacking the dishes for me, make sure they are not prone to tipping as it will result in a mess on the ground and me hating you for it.
• Babies. Enough of them.
• It is incredibly thoughtless of you to stick your leg out in the aisle. Are you not aware of the obscene traffic that goes on within these aisles? Do you not understand the hazard your limb is presenting to unsuspecting attendants? Underneath the surface of the table is hollow and it also serves a purpose.
• If you are in a rush, go to a fast-food restaurant. Do not complain to us about the rate of which your order is arriving because we don't all microwave our food.
• Direct all complaints toward someone who can do something about it. I am no magician.
• Do not arrive at noontime on a Saturday and request a table for 9 because I will hate you.
• Letting children run amuck makes me want to make your face a muck. Stop it.
• Tip your waitress or receive hate vibes.